feeling good!!

I FINALLY got myself back into the gym this morning!!!  I have been on an 8 week hiatus due to some serious morning sickness.  I can't believe how much it takes it out of ya .. 

anyways .. I never shared this while I was doing it .. but starting in late Sept. '08, I did the Body For Life program .. it's a 12 week weight training program designed specifically for CHANGE!!  I lost just under 30 lbs and I was feeling SO great!!  I did it with this pregnancy in mind .. knowing that I'd be in better shape to start, better mind set, and well .. there's just nothing but benefits to being in good shape!!!  The 12 weeks turned into 6 months .. and then pregnancy happened .. then miscarriage ... then pregnancy again.  5 lbs of craziness crept back on .. but I was still working out regularly.  

ANYWAYS ... in the past 15 weeks of pregnancy, I've gained exactly 15 pounds!!!!!  I know that some gain is normal .. but I've never packed it on quite this fast!!  I just keep remembering one thing:  GRACE.  I gotta have it .. and I gotta give it to myself in this 9 months.  

I'm definitely rambling ... it's just nice to be back in the gym .. day 1 today ... thought I'd share this time. 

You're gonna love this ...

Soooo ... to those of you that still read ... get ready to be very proud of your Becky-Friend. 

Today I went to Mardel (Christian Book Store out here) to get a devotional book or SOMETHING to help guide my daily walk.  I'm slackin' big time.  I don't even know where my Bible is right now.  ANYWAYS ... as I was leaving the store, I pulled out of my parking spot RIGHT in front of someone ... I hate when I do that!!  Well, I stopped, and tried to do the shoulder-shrug-hand-wave-i'm-so-sorry gesture .. but the woman gave me SERIOUS attitude ... rightly so ... I was definitely in the wrong.  

But something about her un-forgiveness just rubbed me the wrong way.  It was not the right time to mess with me .. I was NOT in the mood.  So I, like the good Christian woman I am, leaving the bookstore w/ my new Beth Moore in tow ... 2 small innocent babies in the backseat .. RETURNED the attitude .. slammed my car in reverse, got out of her way, and very sarcastically ushered her on her way... oh, and as she drove past, flipped her a double bird to put the icing on the cake.  

aren't you proud?  

guh... His Grace is sufficient. 

Tonight as I was putting Paige to bed .. bedtime prayers came ... I prayed ... and out loud asked for forgiveness for my attitude.  I asked God to help me get through the 4:00 - bedtime hours tomorrow .. and then it was time to sing.   Pretty much every night, Paige wants "Love'm in the Morning" .. which is a song about God's Grace.... the last line goes, "and in the in between time, when you feel the pressure comin' .. remember that He loves you and He promises to stay" ...(see my "2 year old Mercy" blog from like a year ago) well tonight, she wanted, "Jesus Loves Me" ... 

Jesus Loves Me ... this I know ... 

Yes, Jesus Loves Me

Yes, Jesus Loves Me

Yes, Jesus Loves Me ... the Bible tells me so. 

better get mine out ... 'night. 

New Blogs Coming Soon!

Crazy huh?  It's been a while .. not even sure you're checking it anymore!  I know I wouldn't!!  

I've had a rough first trimester with this new pregnancy - but tomorrow marks the start of the 2nd trimester!  YAY!!!  

more later ... just wanted to let you know that I'm gettin' the itch to blog again.  

smiles! 

Becky

A Reflection ..

 I am learning so much about myself through my girls.  It really is astounding to me. 

It's a reflection, I think. 

I have some pretty big insecurities .. always nervous about the way that I parent .. if I'm too tough on Paige, too lenient on Brooke .. if I speak harsh words to them, I worry that it's all they see or think of me.  I'm learning that I tend to let my insecurities define me, but my kiddos help me realize the true definition of who I am.  

Last night the girls were playing around and Brooke  ... my tenacious little 15 month old ... who brings a smile to my face as I write her name ... I want the world to know her ... she's a kick ... anyways, something set Brooke off.  Her response is pretty consistent:  she gives you this look like you're the rudest person in the world, runs away .. typically to a chair or something .. takes about 8 seconds to regroup, then turns slowly and gives you the evil eye.  That is her way of telling you that you just TICKED HER OFF.  I love it .. I think it's the cutest thing in the entire world .. I have to hold in the laughter.

When Brooke graced us all with her moment of attitude, Paige walked over to her and gently said, "Brooke .. are you so mad?" (in a cute way .. just trying to reach her .. ya know?)   and spoke so sweetly and kindly to her little sassy sister.  

That was an "a-ha" moment for me.  I felt God pat me on the back at that point, telling me, "I'm so proud of you, Becky." 

Paige learned to be sweet, and speak kindly, because guess what? I speak kindly and sweetly to her!!  I actually do!!!  I always worry that she'll snap at her, or be mean ... like I do and am sometimes. 

Ya know how it's said that when you say something negative, it takes 10 positive things to overcome that one negative thing?  I think that's where the insecurity comes from for me.  I think I hold on to the few times that I do things I regret, and feel defined by those things.  But then I see my little reflections ...my little girls... do things that are kind and caring, and I feel a "way to go" from my Father, and I'm defined the right way.  

Now ... I do know ... I'm actually VERY well aware, that Brooke's sassiness comes from me too!  (I can hear some chuckles!)  And I'm so encouraged by my love for it ... because it's a reminder to me that my Father .. my Creator .. loves me .. sass'n all.  When I'm being difficult .. when I do things that aren't a reflection of who I am .. He smiles.  He knows me .. and knows that I'm becoming.  I'm in the "During" of my creation process.  I'm becoming.  

I think it's Max Lucado who talks about how silver is refined/purified ... the impurities are brought to the surface when the silver is subjected to fire .. the refiner then scrapes them off of the surface until he can see his reflection clearly .. then the silver is refined .. pure .. what it was created to be:  A Reflection. 

catchin' up

Hey!  Check out our halloween pictures at:  

http://gallery.me.com/beckybeach#100171

So what's been up?  Life is AWESOME!!  I haven't had the motivation or time to sit and blog because I'm just havin' FUN!!  Paige and Brooke are SO fun these days.  Brooke is at the best age .. really REALLY interacting and just bein' a GOOF ball .. 

"aaaaaaaaa"

"cheeeeeeese"

"cheeeeese"

and Paige ... Paige is so smart and surprises me DAILY with the things she knows ... the other day, when I went to go vote, I was explaining to her what was about to happen.  I said, "Paige!  You and Brooke are going to go with me when I vote for the President of the United States!!" .. and she said, "of AMEEEERICA???" ... it cracked me up .. so I said, "Yes!  Isn't that exciting?"  .. and she said .. 

I couldn't get the video to download .. click here for the link to youtube ... 

... yes, she's brilliant.  She just turned 3 in September!! I knew they said it at CBS every week, but I was amazed that she KNEW it ... I have to tell you that she said it perfectly about 100 times before we got out the video camera.  She had a little block with the "and to the republic" part on camera.  SO CUTE!! 

So anyways .. life is definitely fun, and I'm tellin' ya .. we are having the most BEAUTIFUL fall!!  Today .. November 2nd .. I took a walk with the girls in SHORTS and a T-SHIRT in 78 degree weather!!  The colors are still so brilliant on many of the trees.  It's just gorgeous.  

Here's some pictures from a hike we took a few weeks ago ... 

the fam

can you see us way down in there having our picnic?  

cute little muffins .... 

gonna brag here ... we don't even have to drive to get to the trailhead ... 

Life is good .. very, very good ... thanks for being a part of this blog.  Here's a fun little slide show I put together a few weeks ago ... So fun!!    Hopefully I'll update again sooner than later!!! 

An old blog that I never published ...

I wrote this exactly 3 months ago ... wanted to see what you guys thought about it ... 

I have some questions ... 

Does evil actually exist, or is evil defined as the absence of good? 

If evil exists, doesn't that mean it was created?  Is a perfect God capable of creating something that has no part in Him? 

If evil is the "absence of good" .. then explain the Tree of Knowledge between good and evil??  

I guess the Tree could be the, "Knowledge of good and the 'absence of good'" ... I just don't get how the "absence of good" is so very, very evil. 

My mind is churning ...  I'm sick to my stomach tonight.  

I read an article about a 16 year old boy launching an 8 month old baby off of an air pillow ... I read the article: "Flying Baby Lands Teen Behind Bars," and then was stupid enough to watch the video.  I don't know why I do that to myself.  I really, REALLY shouldn't put those images in my head .. but tonight I made the mistake and now I'm broken for the 8 month old baby that was so disregarded .. used.  I'm just sick.  

(I will add here that the baby did not get physically injured)

Tonight, on my way up to bed, I kissed my sweet Paige and then I just had to go in and hold Brooke.  I went in, picked her up, and just HELD my baby.  I just love my Brooke and I am so so broken for babies that don't get to be loved.  It makes me want to open my home to all of them and rescue them ... I'm just broken.  I hate that kid.  I'm so mad at him for being so evil .. so disgusting and wrong and hurtful and sick ..I hate him .. I really do.  I hate him and I want him to suffer for what he did.  It all comes out when I'm holding my Brooke.  

When I'm holding pure innocence in my my arms ... she didn't stay asleep .. she woke up and when she saw me, she didn't just smile, she LAUGHED ... she LAUGHED ... joyful that her mommy picked her up and held her ... so much love for her ... so much. 

As I'm writing this, (with my eyes closed attempting to let the feelings flow and not get caught up in the words) Mercy is awakening in my soul.  Mercy for that teenager .. mercy for him too.  It's so not fair, but it is... if I get it, he gets it ... and guess what?  He deserves it.  Guh, why is that such a burden?  I'm torn because it's both frustrating and beautiful.  

So really, what is it that made him do that?  Is it the presence of evil in his life .. or has his life been simply SO lacking in Goodness that he knows nothing more?  I feel like I need to come to some sort of resolution in this to complete this blog .. but all I can do is come up with my thoughts. 

I think it's both .. I think he did it because the absence of good in his life created evil ... so the presence of evil in his life made him act... oww, my brain. 

Grace is enough

Some fun pictures from Family Camp last weekend:  



Good morning! 

Right now I'm sitting here, cup of coffee to my left, Brooke Rebecca to my far left, Dumbo on TV and Paige on the couch w/ a sippy and some cheerios - we're all still in jammies - and I'm taking this moment to myself before the day begins.  

Life couldn't be better.  It really couldn't.  

I'm in a place in my life that I've never been before, and honestly you don't hear many people talk about life the way that I am lately.  It's soo fun, sooo good and really, to be honest:  perfect.  

(RIGHT when I typed that, Brooke dropped her sippy on the floor and said "uh oh"  .... figures!) 

Anyways .. comic relief aside, life really does feel good right now and unfortunately that scares me to death.  

I guess it's because I have been through it.  I've been though some pretty hard stuff  and to be in a place where things feel GOOD and RIGHT is scary because someone has hard-wired it into my head that God doesn't work through the easy stuff .. he doesn't change and form us while we're in the easy places.  He works when life is hard.  

A quote from a book I'm currently reading:  

"If you know the way God works, then you realize that being deported, banished, captured, jailed, or enslaved is just another way of saying that you are being sent by God on a mission.  That's how God orchestrates the spread of His redemptive narrative.  You see, in God's economy, good news often comes of age in rather harsh circumstances."  

SEE????  It's common ... it's known ... so what does this mean?  

Truth be known:  I'm scared that something terrible is going to happen to ruin all that is well with me, and for what it's worth, I want to buck the system.  

Now I know the answers ... I was in ministry ... I know what to say ... and it was actually said perfectly to me by a good friend.  "Maybe God isn't in the chiseling, mashing, forming stages of sculpting you ... maybe he's sanding, blowing off the dust" ... which feels GOOD to hear ... I need that truth  ... but we all know that the hard stuff is going to come ... life doesn't stay perfect.  

So today I don't have anything profound to say ... just an update.  A line from a Caedman's Call song to end ...

My faith is like shifting sand

changed by every wave

My faith is like shifting sand

So I stand on GRACE