A Reflection ..

 I am learning so much about myself through my girls.  It really is astounding to me. 

It's a reflection, I think. 

I have some pretty big insecurities .. always nervous about the way that I parent .. if I'm too tough on Paige, too lenient on Brooke .. if I speak harsh words to them, I worry that it's all they see or think of me.  I'm learning that I tend to let my insecurities define me, but my kiddos help me realize the true definition of who I am.  

Last night the girls were playing around and Brooke  ... my tenacious little 15 month old ... who brings a smile to my face as I write her name ... I want the world to know her ... she's a kick ... anyways, something set Brooke off.  Her response is pretty consistent:  she gives you this look like you're the rudest person in the world, runs away .. typically to a chair or something .. takes about 8 seconds to regroup, then turns slowly and gives you the evil eye.  That is her way of telling you that you just TICKED HER OFF.  I love it .. I think it's the cutest thing in the entire world .. I have to hold in the laughter.

When Brooke graced us all with her moment of attitude, Paige walked over to her and gently said, "Brooke .. are you so mad?" (in a cute way .. just trying to reach her .. ya know?)   and spoke so sweetly and kindly to her little sassy sister.  

That was an "a-ha" moment for me.  I felt God pat me on the back at that point, telling me, "I'm so proud of you, Becky." 

Paige learned to be sweet, and speak kindly, because guess what? I speak kindly and sweetly to her!!  I actually do!!!  I always worry that she'll snap at her, or be mean ... like I do and am sometimes. 

Ya know how it's said that when you say something negative, it takes 10 positive things to overcome that one negative thing?  I think that's where the insecurity comes from for me.  I think I hold on to the few times that I do things I regret, and feel defined by those things.  But then I see my little reflections ...my little girls... do things that are kind and caring, and I feel a "way to go" from my Father, and I'm defined the right way.  

Now ... I do know ... I'm actually VERY well aware, that Brooke's sassiness comes from me too!  (I can hear some chuckles!)  And I'm so encouraged by my love for it ... because it's a reminder to me that my Father .. my Creator .. loves me .. sass'n all.  When I'm being difficult .. when I do things that aren't a reflection of who I am .. He smiles.  He knows me .. and knows that I'm becoming.  I'm in the "During" of my creation process.  I'm becoming.  

I think it's Max Lucado who talks about how silver is refined/purified ... the impurities are brought to the surface when the silver is subjected to fire .. the refiner then scrapes them off of the surface until he can see his reflection clearly .. then the silver is refined .. pure .. what it was created to be:  A Reflection.