Perfect Moments and Windows ...

I'd love to have some sort of artistic way of expressing how perfect my time with Paige was yesterday .. but since I'm not gifted that way, I'm going to just write from my heart. 

Yesterday was one of those warm days that normally come at the beginning of summer.  It was 85 degrees and beautiful ... I had gone to church by myself to hear Brennan Manning speak (which is another blog for another day). Mark stayed home with the girls because Brooke has been sick and developed a pretty nasty rash.  Anyways .. I ran into some dear friends from the Downing House and was invited to Martha Dell and Shelly's birthday bash .. a really great party they throw every year and ask for donations for Young Life campership money.  SO ... (do you see how I write "all over the place"?  I do this in conversation too ... if you have any advice for keeping me on ONE subject, please share).

So ... I got home from church in time for lunch.  Mark was feeding the girls and I brought home Quizznos for the grown ups.  (See!!! These facts don't matter .. I just feel compelled to explain every detail of how I ended up at "perfect moments #1 and #2").  

Speaking of which ... #1 ... So after lunch we all went outside in the backyard to play.  Mark was doing some yard work, Brooke was on her blanket playing and Paige and I headed for the swings.  Paige still likes to swing in the baby swing and I like that too because I can get her pretty dang high.  She loves it.  We play the "underdog" game ... we count .. "1 ... 2 .... say UNDERDOG" .. Paige screams, "UNDERDOOOOOOOOOG!!" I say, "I can't hear you!!  Louder!" .. Paige: "UN-DER-DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOG!!!!" .. and I do the underdog ... she laughs and swings, and then we sing a song I made up when she was littler .. 

Swing, Swing ... early in the morning

Swing, Swing ... all day long

Swing, Swing ... late into the evening

When I swing ... I sing this song

Yesterday as she was "touching the sky" she said, "I want Mommy to swing" ... such phrases are usually followed up with "Paige, can you ask nicely?" .. then followed with, "Mommy please swing?" .. so cute .. but today I didn't follow up with any such correction .. today I said, "OKAY!" .. and sat myself down on the "big girl swing".  

The perfect moment, like the ones you see in watercolor art or in movies .. starts here ... Paige was swinging, I was swinging .. and I leaned WAY back, Paige even said, "mommy's laying down!" .. and we laughed ... I was free for a moment ... a little girl again .. swinging with my best friend and feeling the cool air blow around me.  When I looked over at Paige, I noticed it.  The wind started blowing the sweet smelling white flowers off of the trees that are on each side of the swing set and were landing on us.  I was looking at a perfectly blue sky, swinging with my first baby and flowers were getting caught in our hair as we were swinging.  Can you see it?  It really was absolutely perfect.  It is a moment I hope to never forget.

Perfect Moment #2 (which is comprised of several moments in one) happened after nap time. 

I woke Paige up at 4:30 p.m. (just bragging here ... ha ha) to go to the birthday bash at the Downing House.  I hadn't gone to an event at the DH in a couple of years, so I was looking forward to catching up with some old friends.  The catching up part happened, but that wasn't what I loved about the picnic.  I loved being with Paige.  I don't think I've had a whole lot of "one on one" time with Paige since Brooke has been born.  We flew a kite together, we swam together, we ate popsicles together, ate candy together, laughed and played together ... together .. me and my Paige ... just us .. it's bringing tears to my eyes to recall it.  I just LOVED it. 

The best part was the kite.  I took off my shoes and ran with it until it was high enough to catch the wind.  Paige did that scream-laugh that little kids do.  Clapping and running and laughing ... SOO free and happy ... again, like you see in watercolor art or in artsy movies.  I got the kite up and handed the reins to Paige.  She was in heaven ... and heaven was in her .. it was so beautiful. We flew the kite for about 15 minutes, and when we were done, I lowered it slowly toward her, and she chased the tail until she caught it.  I hope she remembers it, I will certainly never ever forget.

k .. I HAVE to write that Paige just woke up (it's 8 a.m. .. bragging again) and she's singing "happy birthday" to someone in her bed ... don't you just want to EAT HER UP????  She's friggen precious. 

Here's the deal ... if I was artistic and creative in my writing, I'd be able to take you there.. give you the experiences that I had yesterday .. but maybe they were just for me -- God's little window into His Greatness.  It felt like that .. like it was a window to heaven .. like something supernatural touching my soul and giving me rest, peace and indescribable joy all at once.  

oh wow .. and I just remembered something ... this is a pretty vulnerable thing ... and this is God's beauty ... you see, I miscarried between Paige and Brooke ... and I wrote a letter to my baby in my grief.  In that letter,  I wished yesterday's perfect moments for my baby.  I prayed that my little one would have green grass, bare feet and swing sets in heaven with his Gramma Margaret (who Paige is named after).   I'm so so grateful for the window God gave me yesterday -- maybe it was Him showing me what my little angel is doing ... my dreams for that one coming true.  

Writing is good .. even if it's just for me.